Society has shamed women's sexuality for decades. Due to the lack of education with vaginal health and the history of women oppression, there has been many that experienced sexual assault, abuse, and rape and hasn't been able to identify it until much later. With culture influencing women through movies, music, and social media, we have for many years had a distorted view on how we respond and what we except from boys/men/partners.
When You Say No, They Should Stop
Have you or someone else you know ever engaged in late night sex phone conversation with someone you haven't had a sexual encounter with yet? There has been this unspoken rule in sex culture that if you say your going to do something, you better follow through. I remember early 2000s boys/men would talk about how if a girl/woman would say they're going to do something sexually, they need to be about it.
This way of thinking creates "entitlement" within boys/men. This also can lead to sexual assault, abuse , and/or even rape. While many people of both genders have experienced some type of sexual assault or abuse, girls/women specifically has sometimes had a hard time identifying it because of what society has taught us.
I remember being a young adult talking about sex like a pro even though I didn't know much about it. Just the basics. And sex always seemed to have to come up in conversation. And the mindset back then was to, 'impress him'. I would talk about what I wanted to do and try. For me, most of the time it was all talk. Just fun. Even though I had recently lost my virginity, I wasn't fully in touch with my sexuality. I remember a time where I met a guy I had been exchanging sexy messages and having sexy phone conversations with. We hung out and got something to eat and then headed back to his place. While I wanted to make out and maybe do a little touching, I was not 100% ready to give myself to him. I remember feeling like once we had started kissing, I had given up my right to not have sex. Read that again. Sounds crazy doesn't it?"
You ALWAYS have the right to say no or set boundaries. I wouldn't blame the young man that I spent time with that evening because in that case I didn't speak up. While getting some ones consent is always important, back then that wasn't commonly taught. So in his mind possibly, I didn't say anything and I was going a long with it, so it was ok. For me, I got myself here and I put myself in the predicament, I have to. Teaching consent at a young age to all young teens helps encourage safe behaviors.
Bodily Fluids Does Not Determine Whether or Not Someone ACTUALLY Wants Sex or Any Sex Related Acts
There has been this terrible misconception that a vagina owner experiences "wetness" down there only because they want sex and/or sexual acts. She must want it because she is "wet," completely disregarding what she is actually saying. "The glands in your cervix and vaginal wall create essential lubrication to protect your genital area from injury or tearing, and keep your vagina clean and moist," says Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST. The vagina reacts to protect its self and when it's sexually aroused. It's important to always get consent from both parties. It's about what they say and not how their bodies respond.
Speak Your Truth & Allow Others To Do The Same
The more we come forward, the more we build awareness. The more we build awareness, the more we educate others. Coming out at a later time about abuse has been common in the past years but heavily shamed upon. "Why didn't you say something before?" Has been a problematic question that people ask and which it enables comfortability of victims telling their truth and getting justice. This type of shaming has silenced many victims and has allowed assailants to go on and attack again. We must allow others to comfortably tell their truth because this is how they will get justice and how we can potentially save someone else from becoming a victim. While every victim matters, helping save them or supporting them is going to help save many more from becoming victims. There is a way bigger picture.
We've come a long way with equality in the past two decades. We've built awareness around slut shaming, consent, and now were holding long time offenders accountable for their actions (ex: R. Kelly and Harvey Weinstein). We're learning more about vaginal health and creating equality in relationships. It's important to continue create conversations around these things even if it may seem uncomfortable at first. If we continue to improve, we will continue to be on the right path of making this the world a better and equal place for everyone.
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